New Qrbgg

11

New Qrbgg

    BrTl had had no trouble using that super-duper, maxi-galaxy, gold-plated VIP credit disc to hire a lifter with hyperdrive capabilities, in fact he’d probably have been able to hire a Seeker with it. So they zipped off to New Qrbgg, no problem.

    Su now understood about IG C&E gates, so she was fully prepared. Though as it turned out she was over-prepared, as far as gates were concerned. And not prepared at all for the rest of it.

    “This is the spaceport. It is fairly busy,” BrTl announced while they were still some considerable way out—though no longer in hyperdrive.

    “Yes!” gasped Su as something zoomed past their forward port. “BrTl, are they allowed to come that close?”

    “Mm? Oh, sure. That was a pilot—making sure we don’t need a pilot,” he explained. “Though as I’m a Pilot, we don’t!” he added with a roar of xathpyroid laughter.

    Su had almost been expecting this: he’d been very cheerful indeed on the trip. The more so as the VIP credit disc had worked, of course. “It’s all right, he’s not cross, Phyoowella.”

    “Try slapping that mind-lock on, like I showed you!” said BrTl cheerfully.

     “I—am!” panted Su over the Loogher’s wails, her cheeks turning very red.

    “Mm? Oh. Done,” he said, as Phyoowella’s wails abruptly stopped.

    “Thanks. She doesn’t seem to learn,” said Su limply.

    “I’ve noticed that. What? Don’t try that one on, thanks!” he said loudly, not to Su.

    Su watched him in awe: were they communicating with him?

    “Yes, it was your mistake, Gr-cognate!” he agreed cheerfully. “Uh—manifest? This is only a lifter, you know! Well, one xathpyroid Pilot, one humanoid supernumerary, one semi-sentient being, that do ya? Luggage? Uh, we didn’t bring luggage, did we?” he said to Su.

    “Um, no, we checked it in at the hotel because, um—” She gave him an agonised look.

    “Of course, making it look convincing for the senior cognate! No luggage, no cargo, Gr-cognate,” he said cheerfully. “Point of departure, Mullgon’ya, not a joke. None of us, we were on a sick-visit. Yeah, looks like they might let the being go within the next IG millennium. S’pose it had to happen once in recorded history, eh? Right, wilco, BrTl out! –Given us quite a good slot,” he said happily to Su.

    “Mm,” she agreed, beginning to wish she wasn’t sitting up here at the front, because although it was very interesting and you had a wonderful view of the complex spaceport with all its layers and all the ships coming and going like—ooh! Like anything, it was getting rather too exciting, acksherly.

    “This is us,” he explained happily.

    Su shut her eyes as they came in far too fast to an almost invisible gap between two GIANT spaceships.

    “I’d open my eyes, in your mammalian shoes: you may never get a chance to see a real Refit Ship again.”

    “Really?” gasped Su, opening her eyes. “A real Space Fleet one?”

    “Gotta be a Space Fleet one, Su: that’s what they are.”

    “Asteroids of Jollifer!” she gasped, gazing up—and up—and up—at its enormous, almost featureless bulk.

    “It doesn’t need ports, because inside it’s like a giant refit hangar.”

    “Yes, of course,” said Su respectfully. “Ooh, what’s that?” she gasped, goggling at the enormous, brightly illuminated flying palace on their other side.

    “Eh? Oh—that. Some sort of leisure-cruiser. Dunno what a pack of FW tourists imagine they’re gonna see on New Qrbgg.”

    “I thought you said it was great?”

    “It is. No tourist attractions, though. Well, you’ve been to the xathpyroid continent back on New Whtyll, Su: are there any tourist attractions there?”

    Su smiled slowly. The view of hundreds of xathpyroids just standing around on the vast plains of the Southern Continent would be more than exciting enough for the average tourist!

    “If you say so,” he said dubiously. “Well, we’re here. Quite a nice little craft,” he approved, undoing his straps. “Nippy.”

    Given that there seemed to be about a hand’s span—a humanoid hand’s span, not a xathpyroid one—between them and the towering ships on either side of them, Su could only agree that nippy was the word.

    “Come on,” he said mildly.

    “Oh! Yes! Come on, Phyoowella, we’re going to go and see lots of lovely xathpyroids!”

    BrTl eyed her drily: he didn't think that had penetrated the Loogher’s mush, which was just as well.

    Ooh, it was all dark outside the hatch! Su gasped, and clutched at BrTl.

    “Hang on.” He felt in his pocket and produced a lumo-blob. “Better?” he said, holding it up.

    “Yes, um, where are we?” faltered Su, looking down a smooth, featureless xrillion tube.

    “We’re standing in the open hatch and if you want anything like lunch today, I suggest we move.”

    “Are you sure this is right?”

    “Yes. Oh! I geddit. No, well, we’re in a pilot’s slot, but like I say, I am—”

    “Don’t laugh in this tube!” cried Su.

    “No, you’re right. Very wise. Come on, nothing to be afraid of, you’re on New Qrbgg, now!”

    Su thought she caught an echo, You’re on New Qrbgg, now! But as she didn't know anybody here, she must have imagined it—or more likely it was the effect of the tube. Meekly she took BrTl’s pseudopod and accompanied him down the tube. And down the tube. And down the tube. And down the tube… Just when she was thinking he’d have to carry Phyoowella the rest of the way the tube suddenly ended. Like, in what looked like solid xrillion: there was no blob-lock or anything.

    “There’s no blob-lock you can see, no,” said BrTl mildly, opening it.

    “Ooh!” gasped Su.

    “I’ll go first, you might find it a bit of a step— Uh, yeah,” he admitted, lifting her and the Loogher down bodily. “Right?”

    “Yes! Ta!” gasped Su. “I see, it lets you out where the beings are!”

    “More or less, yeah. Those’ll be the tourists off that leisure-cruiser.”

    “Yes,” she agreed, looking at the crowds of queuing, brightly-clad beings. “Is that IG Customs and Excise?”

    “Yeah. Couple of IG C&E beings and a few Space Patrollers on duty—see?”

    “Ye-es. Ooh, are those Decontam. units?” she said, looking at the lumpy-looking things that several of the tourist queues were queuing up outside.

    “Sure: you see them in every spaceport or transit station in the two galaxies. Don’t get excited, with tourists all they’ll be getting rid of is—uh, well, anything that IG C&E and Space Patrol between them imagine’ll contaminate New Qrbgg. Used senso-tissues and lumps of half-eaten chewing-taffy, in the main,” he added drily, eyeing the milling tourists.

    “Of course! And after IG C&E, they go through the planet’s own Customs inspection, right?” she said eagerly.

    “That’s the usual arrangement, yes. Some places have really strict world regs that IG C&E’s not interested in, is the idea.”

    “Yes, of course,” she agreed, tiptoeing and peering. “Aren’t those Space Patrol uniforms smart?”

    “Uh—yeah. Come on, we go this way.”

    Su had thought they’d have to join a queue, but he was going over to the left. Meekly she followed him in the direction of a large sign that was only in Slaetho-Xathpyrian, not Intergalactic as well. Her written Slaetho-Xathpyrian wasn't very good but she could at least recognise the words “xathpyroid” and “cognates” and that was what it said: “XATHPYROID COGNATES,” and she thought that third word was “only.” “XATHPYROID COGNATES ONLY.” Oh, help!

    “BrTl!” she hissed frantically as he approached the Space Patroller by the sign. “Is this the right queue for me?’

    “Sure,” he said, not listening. “No luggage today, Patroller.”

    “Go through, xathpyroid cognate,” said the Space Patroller, sounding very bored. It wasn't a xathpyroid, it was, um, Su wasn’t sure. Two legs and two arms, but apart from that it looked a bit like a Loogher—taller, though. Its visor was up and it had a very friendly, furry grey-brown face with a black nose.

    A Ballunder, sent BrTl, and Su jumped ten IG fluh.

    “Hullo, what’s this?” said the Ballunder, looking at Phyoowella. “New sort of pet, eh?”

    “Um, yes,” said Su, not sure if she should say that Phyoowella was from the Third Galaxy or not. “Class 396 within the Meaning.”

    “I should say so!” agreed the Ballunder. “So, what you planning to do on New Qrbgg?”

    “Um, visit with the cognates,” said Su in a small voice.

    “She’s with me, Patroller,” said BrTl mildly from the other side of—heck, he’d gone through the gate and Su hadn’t even noticed!

    “I can see that, xathpyroid cognate. Well, go through, humanoid—but don’t expect it to be exciting, mind.”

    “Um, thank you!” gasped Su, tottering through the gate.

    Thank you. Have a nice day, responded the gate.

    “Um, yes! Thank you, Gate!”

    “This is New Qrbgg Customs,” said BrTl as they fronted up to a counter behind which were two xathpyroids in Service greige coveralls with no insignia, only lubolyon name-tags. “Did that come over as ‘Customs’?”

    “Yes.”

    “Yeah, well, we haven’t actually got a word for Customs, so those tags—they’re not name-tags—say ‘Entry Check.’ If they were checking outgoing travellers they’d say ‘Exit Check.’ Nothing to declare, Hr-cognate,” he said mildly to the nearest official.

    “Don’t waste my time, Br-cognate,” replied the official in a bored voice.

    “Sorry, just showing this here humanoid that’s not used to travelling what to say.”

    “Oh, right,” the official agreed, looking expectantly at Su.

    “Nothing to declare, Hr-cognate,” said Su politely.

    He twitched slightly. “Uh—no. Good on ya, humanoid. Hang on, is that blue being sentient within the Meaning?”

    “No,” said BrTl definitely before Su could utter. “Some sort of plasmo-blasted pet.”

    “Oh, right. Had a humanoid through—when was it, GrWv?” he said to the other official.

    “Last week? No, week before, I think,” she replied without much interest.

    “Oh, yeah: week before. It had a plasmo-blasted pet Flppu.”

    “They’re like that,” agreed BrTl.

    “They never seem to choose green ones,” offered GrWv suddenly.

    “No, you’re right, Gr-cognate, they don’t, do they? See ya. –Come on, Su, we’re through, you don't imagine you and that plasmo-blasted Loogher’d be standing there on your five feet if you were carrying contraband, do you?

    “Fuh-five?” stuttered Su.

    “Between you,” said BrTl heavily. “Want me to carry the Loogher for you?”

    “Um, how far is it to— Help!” she gulped, as they went through the gate in the Custom’s officials’, um, Entry Check officials’ counter—BrTl was broadcasting that it wasn’t a gate—and the vast reaches of the main concourse were revealed to her.

    “Xathpyroid scale,” said BrTl with huge satisfaction. “I’d better carry both of you, come to think of it.”

    Su looked sideways at the rows of bubbles for hire and the two waiting tran-blob trains.

    “Those are for the tourists.”

    Gee, she’d had an idea they might be.

    “Or if you don’t fancy being carried you could sit on my back. And to answer those questions you're broadcasting, (a) I won’t be embarrassed, and (b) other xathpyroids probably will laugh, but so what?”

    “Um…”

    “Now hear this. It’s three IG glps to the main entrance. A New Whtyllian hour at your walking pace.”

    “We’ll ride, thanks, BrTl.”

    “Thought you might,” he admitted, picking them up and popping them on his back, prudently with the Loogher in front so as Su could hang onto the creature. “Grab my collar, Su.”

    “I am. And don’t gallop.”

    “One doesn’t gallop in the concourse,” replied BrTl loftily.

    There was only a handful of xathpyroids visible and most of them weren't even moving. “It doesn’t look like it, true," replied Su drily. “But don’t lope fast, either.”

    Obediently BrTl did his best to cover the three IG glps to the main entrance at a slow lope. On the way they encountered three Gr-cognates, a Jk-cognate, and four Tr-cognates, all of whom laughed, but so what?

    “Here we are!” he said as they fetched up outside the main doors. “Lovely day!”

    Under the pale jade sky of New Qrbgg, Su gaped around at the vista of spreading pale jade plain, very lightly dotted with hire-bubbles as to the immediate foreground. “Where’s the city?”

    “One o’clock. Slightly right of straight in front of us. No, you can’t see it from here. Well, could you see Z’therabad or Bluell City from the spaceport?”

    “Not as such, but there were buildings and—and stuff. And Bluell City’s spaceport’s real near the city. And, um, well, they had lanes. With loads of vehicles!”

    “Sure, bubble lanes and lifter lanes—standard stuff.”

    “BrTl, where are they?” she cried.

    “Uh—well, a being can’t see a vehicle lane, Su. You have to be a blob to, um, wouldn’t call it see—to blob onto one. The bubble-trains use lanes. Here’s one,” he offered as one swooped down to a stop just a little way away from them which was labelled prominently in Intergalactic: TOURIST-CLASS BUBBLE-TRAIN TO CITY. PLEASE PAY ON ENTRY”. And not labelled in Slaetho-Xathpyrian at all. “It’s waiting for the tourists off that leisure-class thing.”

    “Buh-but— How far is it to the city?”

    “Uh—forget. Not far, though. See?” he said as a Pr-cognate came out of the terminal building at a steady lope, passed them with a cheerful Lovely day for a ride, Br-cognate! and loped on out onto the plain, the lope gradually developing into a full gallop.

    “I—I don’t want to gallop all that way,” said Su with a wobble in her voice.

    “It’s no distance!”

    “BrTl, I’ll be sick!” she wailed.

    BrTl had completely overlooked that little factor. “Oh, mok shit!”

    Su swallowed hard. “You better let us down, and—and we’ll go into town on the bubble-train and meet you at the hotel.”

    “What hotel?” said BrTl blankly.

    “Don't tell me you haven’t got hotels!”

    “Only for the tourists.” Glumly he lifted them off his back. “I could lope real slow,” he offered mournfully.

    Su bit her lip. “I might be sick, over that distance, even so. It’s, um, the rocking motion.”

    “Yeah, okay; plan B. This might work,” he murmured, producing the gold-plated VIP credit disc from his pocket. “This way!”

    The being on duty at the hire-lifter counter was a female-tended Vr-cognate who fell around laughing herself almost sick at the sight of BrTl’s gold disc. So much so that he had to temporarily put the Loogher right out of it.

    “What is it?” said the Vr-cognate weakly, patting herself on the chest. “That did me good! Dunno when I’ve laughed so much!”

    “It’s a flaming Vvlvanian-cursed semi-sentient being, Class 396 or thereabouts, and in case ya couldn’t’ve guessed, it’s been about as much nuisance as five hundred beings fifty times its size.”

    “They’re all the same,” conceded the Vr-cognate. “Had a humanoid through—when was it? Two weeks back, something like that—with a plasmo-blasted pet Flppu, would you believe? Rejected ten lifters in a row because they weren’t smooth enough for the being not to puke all over them.”

    “Uh—yeah,” said BrTl on a weak note, avoiding Su’s mammalian eye. “Well, is this here disc gonna hire us a lifter or not?”

    “Dunno,” admitted the Vr-cognate cheerfully, waving a small blob at it. “Great steaming piles of mok droppings,” she croaked: “yeah, apparently. Take ya pick, Br-cognate. No, well, they’re all about the same,” she admitted as BrTl looked dubiously at the list. “Meant for the tourists.”

    “Mm. Have you got a model with a back seat with nice tight straps?”

    “That’s not funny!” said Su indignantly.

    “It wasn’t meant to be. No way is that Loogher gonna ride up front on your knee.”

    “Oh,” she said weakly. “Her. Okay.”

    Trying not to laugh, BrTl allowed the Vr-cognate to debit whatever she fancied against the gold disc—well, who cared? And any being that imagined that the senior cognate was gonna bother to check what they’d run up on his gold-plated VIP credit disc had better turn right round and head back to the M-planet!

    And they went through to the parking lot, got into their lifter, strapped the Loogher into the back seat, BrTl remaining deaf to Su’s pleas that she could be woken up now, and ZOOM!

    “Good view, eh?” he cried.

    “Yes!” gasped Su, clinging on for dear life to the side of her seat. “Don’t swoop like that!”

    “Eh? Oh, sorry. See, there’s the city! Wanna fly over it? I won’t swoop.”

    They flew over it. Su looked down dazedly. After the impressive buildings of Intergalactica and the towering spires of the Whtyllian cities, she’d expected… Well, after all, xathpyroids were big beings, wouldn't you have thought… But none of the buildings seemed any higher than the big single-storey meeting hall that the xathpyroids had back home! (They didn’t call it that, they didn’t really have a name for it, they just called it “the hall.”) It was round, no, well, a multi-pointed star, each point being a xathpyroid corner when you were inside, but it was so big across and there were so many points that the overall impression was of round. Not all of these buildings were round, but most of them were and it was clear that all of them, whatever their basic configuration, had walls full of xathpyroid corners, too. Well, that was logical.

    These many-cornered buildings were not set close together in city blocks—by no means. There were huge (and very irregular) spaces between them, usually just grassy, as far as Su could see from this height, sometimes dotted with trees. There were loads of roads, very wide ones, and they were quite busy, with lots of xathpyroids loping up and down them. Higher up you could see a few bubble-trains flying along, and quite a few lifters, but almost no bubbles.

    “Pretty, isn’t it?” he said proudly.

    “Yes. Lots of shades of green,” offered Su timidly. She sort of hadn’t expected the roads to be green, though of course she’d always known that green was the xathpyroids’ favourite colour.

    “Yes, lots of shades.”

    “Um, is there, a, um, like in Intergalactica Central, a Block 1, or, um, like at home in New Z’therabad, a Main Square?” she ventured.

    “Asteroids of Hhum, no!” he said in horror. “You’re on New Qrbgg, now, Su!”

    “Mm, of course. Um, well, where’s the centre of the city?”

    “It hasn’t got a centre, it wasn’t planned,” he said in a vague voice.

    Su swallowed.

    “Oh, I geddit, you were expecting one of those buildings like H’lln goes to, where all the reppos argue. We haven't got one of those—waste of space. We have got reppos—of sorts. Well, we don’t vote.”

    “Don’t vote?” gasped Jhl’s daughter in horror.

    “Not for reppos, no. Every senior cognate has to take a turn at it. Plasmo-blasted waste of time it is, too. If they want to talk they just blob onto the other reppos’ frequencies, geddit?”

    “Um, I suppose. What about new laws, though?”

    “Mm? Oh, any cognate can suggest one of those. That’s when we vote: all adult cognates can vote, see? But it doesn’t happen very often.”

    “I see. Um, back home on New Whtyll, you vote for your reppos same as we do, though, don’t you?”

    “Nope. Well, your senior cognate probably thinks we do—yeah. And I’m pretty sure the H’lln cognate thinks we do—one of those beings that’s very good at believing what it wants to believe,” he said thoughtfully to himself.

    Su swallowed, but nodded gamely: that was H’lln, all right!

    “No, we just take turns at that, too,” he finished mildly.

    “Help, you mean they didn’t vote for you, those three years you were a reppo?”

    “Blerrinbrig’s, no, they don't hate me that much!” he said cheerfully.

    “I see,” she admitted, smiling weakly.

    “We think it’s sensible,” said BrTl in a vague voice. “Dare say it wouldn't work for all beings. Could land here, if you like.”

    “Yuh— Um, yeah, if you think so!” she gasped as they suddenly swooped down to a little, um, not a park, it was’'t that big. A grassy space between buildings, really.

    “Hop out,” he said cheerfully. “See over there? Whizzo Burgers!”

    So it was: it had the usual giant Whizzo burger with a spaceship zipping round it, well, whizzing round it, that was their logo, and the big flashing sign in Intergalactic saying WHIZZO BURGERS—WHIZZO BURGERS—WHIZZO BURGERS, like, round and round and round, and— “Oh, yes, I know! ‘Whiz-zo Bur-gers’,” read Su slowly in Slaetho-Xathpyrian. “Great! Could you wake Phyoowella up?”

    “Ye-es. Um, look, is she gonna be able to eat our plants? Um, some of them emit h-breather and we can breathe that, too, but the atmosphere is basically o-breather, the rest emit that.”

    “Yes, um, I think the plants back home do that, too, BrTl.”

    “Oh, well, that sounds okay!” he said, waking Phyoowella up forthwith.

    “[Subjectless particle], [verbless particle], hungry!” she wailed.

    “Yes, me, too,” agreed Su.

    Phyoowella spotted the giant Whizzo Burgers sign. It would have been hard to miss it, even for a Loogher, it was half as high again as the building it was sitting on top of. “[Subjectless particle] [objective particle] burger want!” she wailed.

    “Help, she wants a vegeburger,” croaked Su in dismay.

    BrTl scratched his neck-hair. “We’ve got the buns,” he offered.

    “Mm.”

    “Look, if she can't eat anything, there is a J’rd’s: we’ll take her to the cafeteria there and let them sort it out.”

    “Okay. Yes, come on, Phyoowella.” They headed for Whizzo Burgers.

    Although the area hadn’t seemed busy, inside Whizzo Burgers there were quite a few xathpyroids in corners, eating—it had the usual Whizzo Burgers layout and the usual signs up in Intergalactic with the sim-pics of the burgers but instead of the booths with only one or two corners that Su was used to, it was all xathpyroid corners! Uh—well, at least Phyoowella seemed at home: she immediately went into one and sat down with her back against it.

    Better let me order, sent BrTl, stepping up to the counter. Gee, there was an actual being serving! And not in a bracelet, what was more—what a difference from plasmo-blasted Whtyll! A youngish xathpyroid in a grubby apron with the Whizzo Burgers logo on it and the usual Whizzo Burgers cap with the tiny silver blob whizzing round and round and round it—maybe that was where the Whtyllians had got the idea for their vacuum-frozen new season’s garments! thought Su with a sudden grin.

    “Shouldn’t you be in Second School, Kr-cognate?” said BrTl.

    Ulp! thought Su. Not even one of his cognate group!

    “Been there, done that, Br-cognate,” replied the Whizzo Burgers assistant cheekily. “Saving up to put myself through Third School.”

    “It was free last time I was on New Qrbgg,” returned BrTl in his mildest voice.

    “Yeah. I’m gonna do a real engineer’s course on New Rthfrdia,” the being said on a grim note.

    “Good on ya. And good luck, you’ll need it: ya do know it’s a humanoid world, do ya? Oy, Su! –This here’s a humanoid,” he explained.

    “Small,” croaked the young xathpyroid.

    “Yeah, thought you hadn’t seen one in the flesh. Well, take my tip: J’rd’s is J’rd’s all over the two galaxies, so if you can’t get a decent meal anywhere else on the vacuum-frozen planet, go there and order the standard xathpyroid grill—no frills.”

     “Um, yes. Thanks,” he croaked. “Whadd’ll it be?”

    “They’ve got vegeburgers!” urged Su.

    “Ya don’t wanna believe that sign, humanoid,” warned the assistant. “Maxi-burgers, Br-cognate. Single or double, not that I ever sold a single.”

    “Four double maxi-burgers, then,” said BrTl simply. “Got shakes?”

    “Whizzo Burgers’ own super-duper maxi-galaxy shakes,” droned the assistant. “Flavours: white, pink, blue. –We run out of green.”

    “BrTl!” hissed Su indignantly.

    “Eh? Oh. Hang on. –No, they really are, Su. Sucrose, grqwaries’ milk, and frozen H2O all whipped up together with air, with S/IG pink or blue food colouring. The white must be from the milk.”

    “I’ll have a white one, then,” decided Su. “And Phyoowella can't drink grqwaries’ milk, she’d better have a soda, have they got—”

    “Brown, white, pink, green,” droned the assistant.

    “Um, better make it white,” admitted Su.

    “Large, super-large, maxi-galaxy?”

    “Large,” said BrTl firmly before Su could say she only needed a small one. “Make that shake large, too, thanks. I’ll have a maxi-galaxy green soda. Any yam chips, Kr-cognate?”

    “Asteroids of Hhum, no, this isn't a tourist area!” he croaked. “That it, then? Four double maxi—”

    “No, wait!” cried Su. “If you haven’t got yam chips or vegeburgers, have you got anything vegetable?”

    The young xathpyroid stared at her. After quite some time he ventured: “There’s the buns.”

    “Y— But they have salad and like that in them, too, don't they?” said Su on an ingratiating note.

    “No,” he said definitely.

    “Look: in the pictures—” she began heatedly.

    “Them pictures are just what Whizzo Burgers puts up, humanoid. Those aren’t xathpyroid burgers. I been working here for five local years—like, after school, Br-cognate,” he added pointedly—“and no being never asked for no salad nothing, ever! Nor no yam chips, neither,” he added pointedly, still looking at BrTl.

    “Not for me,” said BrTl mildly. “See that?” He pointed to where Phyoowella was now humming happily to herself in her corner.

    “Uh—yeah. This isn’t a BrQl’s Bring-Your-Own Char Grill, Br-cognate.”

    “No,” said BrTl, concealing a wince and hoping fervently Su hadn’t got it. “Never thought it was. The being’s a pet. It’s a vegetarian. –Doesn’t eat meat,” he added to the emanations of blankness.

    “Eh? It’s gonna starve to death, then!” he croaked.

    “Yeah. How much is that, then?”

    “Eh? Oh! Four double maxi-burgers, one maxi-galaxy green soda, one large white soda, one large white shake. Twenny igs fifty to you, Br-cognate.”

    Su stared up at the menu, frowning, her lips moving silently.

    Double maxi-burgers. Four igs each, BrTl sent resignedly. The drinks are all the same price, ignore what it says up there, you’re on New Qrbgg now, no xathpyroid’d pay more than one fifty for a plasmo-blasted shake or soda!

    Four whole igs for a burger? she replied crossly.

    You’ll see. “Come on; he’ll bring them over, they’re not busy today.”

    Su did see. The skinny young xathpyroid could barely stagger under the weight of the giant platters of giant burgers.

    “Xathpyroid-size, see?” said BrTl complacently, having leapt up to help him lower them to the table in their corner.

    Su nodded numbly. “I—I didn’t realise, or I'd have warned you. I’ll never get through one of those!”

    “Never thought you would,” replied BrTl, operating expertly on a double maxi-burger with his pocket knife. “That do you?”

    “No, a quarter of that, please, BrTl,” she croaked.

    “Eh? Are you sure? Thought you were hungry?”

    “I am,” said Su weakly. The helping he’d awarded her was the size of an average humanoid dinner plate and the meat was about as thick through as her hand was long.

    “Okay, but speak up if you're still peckish.”

    Smiling weakly, Su accepted her giant burger. She didn't think she’d be speaking up.

    “Piece of bun for the Loogher, okay?”

    “Um, yes, but she has to have a plate," said Su, looking anxious.

    “No problem.” He dumped one of the remaining double maxi-burgers off its platter and onto another, then placing the piece of bun in solitary splendour on the empty platter. Then he watched numbly as Su divided it in two and placed one half neatly on the other, chirping: “Look, Phyoowella, lovely burger bun! Yum, yum!”

    Gee, it seemed to work. “[Subjectless particle], [verbless particle] burger! Yum, yum!” agreed Phyoowella, beginning to eat.

    They watched nervously, Su forgetting entirely to eat and BrTl forgetting to swallow.

    “Mm!” he said, coming to and swallowing his mouthful. “Good! Real grpplybeast! Well, that seems to be hitting the spot!”

    “Yes, good,” agreed Su in relief, seizing her burger. “Mm! This meat is awfully tasty,” she admitted, smiling at him.

    “Sure it is! Best burgers in the Known Universe!”

    Yes. Well, best grilled grpplybeast mince, yes. She’d have taken her dying oath there was nothing else in them at all.

    Once Phyoowella had had her fill of soda—BrTl had forgotten about the hiccups, oh, well, she wasn’t the only being in the Known Universe that got those, by no means—they wandered outside and let her have a bit of a graze for dessert. “[Subjectless particle] good tastes,” appeared to be the verdict, so that was all right.

    Then BrTl thought Su might like to see a bit of the city, so they got back in the lifter and lifted around for a bit, finally deciding it might be as well to go for a walk, rather than nodding off in the lifter—yes.

    “Oh!” cried Su as they set off down a broad green New Qrbggian road. “It’s grass!”

    “’Course it is.”

    “But I thought they were roads!”

    “They are.”

    “Grass roads?” she faltered.

    “Sure! You’re on New Qrbgg, now!”

    Somehow after that it didn’t seem at all strange when, as the pale jade sky darkened and light-blobs began to twinkle all over the city, BrTl stopped beside a round building and noting: “Br-cognates,” led them into what turned out to be the dwelling of some perfect strangers. There were five that lived here in all—two were culture-pod cognates (each other’s, not BrTl’s): BrPl and BrGv, they were roofers. That was, they went out and re-roofed dwellings whose roofs needed repair, or put new roofs on new dwellings. As the buildings of New Qrbgg were very solid and as the city’s population was very stable, they weren’t very busy and in fact when BrTl, Su and Phyoowella arrived were merely sitting in their extensive back garden, or maybe it was just one of those grassy spaces between buildings, drinking Rwthwarian ale. Also at home, working on a blob, was BrDl. He wasn’t a culture-pod cognate of anybody’s, apparently. He was older, Su thought older than BrTl. It wasn’t altogether clear what he was doing to the blob or what sort of blob it was and Su didn’t like to ask. A basin of Rwthwarian ale was of course assisting him as he did it.

    The other two cognates were out at work but loped in quite soon. BrTv was a Senior Police Inspector in the New Qrbgg Planetary Police Force. This was very puzzling, as Su had been almost sure the xathpyroids didn’t have police. “We don’t,” explained BrTv, once she’d drained a basin of Rwthwarian ale. “Aah! That’s better! –Not for us, that is. Well, there’s a bit of drunk and disorderly, yeah, but no xathpyroid cognate’s gonna kick up about that. No, we’re for the tourists.” She eyed Su blandly.

    Suddenly Su went into a gale of mammalian humanoid giggles. “I’m sorry, BrTv!” she gasped.

    “Federation, don’t apologise, humanoid cognate, you’re the only non-xathpyroid I’ve ever met that’s got that!” admitted BrTv happily. “Have a basin of ale.”

    “Just a sip, humanoids haven’t got much capacity,” explained Su. “Ta!”

    The remaining cognate, BrFl, worked at the downtown J’rd’s. By now Su was quite expecting him to reveal he worked in the basement Food Hall, or, better, its Liquor Department! But he didn’t, he was a loader and unloader, out the back. It largely entailed unloading barrels and crates of liquor from the delivery lifters and loading them into the customers’ lifters, he explained. Yeah, they were usually real busy. But he got the employees’ discount!

    “Added to which, J’rd’s won’t sell stuff that gets dented,” noted BrDl, rolling in a fresh barrel of Rwthwarian ale. Very dented. Su went into another gale of giggles on the spot.

    They had such a good time with the five Br-cognates that Su thought BrTl might leave her and Phyoowella with them, but no, next morning, after breakfast, of course, they set off for BrTl’s home area. It wasn’t a town, he explained in a vague voice.

    No, it certainly wasn’t, and from very high up, Su would have said it wasn’t anything except a stretch of grassy plain. As they came in to land she saw there were some buildings, however: the circular ones with the low domed roofs that she was familiar with from back home.

    “Is that grass on the roofs?”

    “Mm? Oh—yeah. Trying something new. Better thermal properties or something,” he said vaguely.

    It was a warm climate, and Su and Phyoowella hadn’t needed their coats at all—just as well, since they were back on vacuum-frozen Mullgon’ya in their suitcases. “Um, yes,” she agreed uncertainly.

    “See that one?” he said, pointing.

    “Ooh, heck!” That circular building’s roof had fallen in.

    “Yeah. Too much dirt under the grass, think was the story. Oughta get BrPl and BrGv out here, eh?” he said in a vague voice. “Well, this is it. Dunno where everybody is.” He went over to the door of the nearest round building with grass on its roof and opened it. “Nope,” he reported. “Never mind, they’ll be back for dinner. Might even be back for lunch, unless they’ve decided to—” His eye fell on Phyoowella. “Eat out,” he finished weakly.

    “Yes, sure. Um, well, shall we just stay here, then?”

    “Uh—no, tell you what, I’ll go and look for them. You two stay here. There’ll be something to eat inside, if you're peckish. Well, haunch of cold grpplybeast, side of nyr, something like that. And there's plenty of grass.”

    “Mm. Okay, then,” said Su in a small voice,

    And BrTl, not noticing the small voice, loped off eagerly into the hinterland…

    “Oh, help,” said Su limply. Timidly she went into the house. She looked around for somewhere to sit but of course there were no seats, this was New Qrbgg. Well, there were plenty of corners, so… Su sat down in a corner and leaned her back against the wall.

    Jhl collapsed in helpless humanoid sniggers, dropping the text-blob.

    “Is it that funny?” said Athlor tolerantly.

    “Yes!” she gasped. “That—bit!” she gasped.

    Athlor picked it up, and looked. “Help, she actually made a sim-call—they musta thought she’d lost it—to these roofer cognates in the city to see if they’d like to come out and fix this busted house!”

    Jhl shook helplessly.

    “They said they’d—think—about—it!” howled Athlor, breaking down completely.

    “Yes,” she said limply, blowing her nose. “Read me that last part: I need to know I didn’t imagine it.”

    Grinning, Athlor read out:

    I suppose I’ve only been here for a week but it seems an awfully long time, I think maybe the New Qrbgg days are longer or something. Yesterday BrDv said I could come out with her, I mean I asked her if I could, I was desperate for some being to talk to, and she’s had such an interesting life, she’s a retired C.P.O. and she’s been all over the two galaxies.

    Anyway, she let me ride on her back—well, I had to, I couldn’t keep up with her, even though she was only walking. She didn't go very fast, so I didn’t feel sick. We got to this real nice spot where the ground rose and you could see a darling little stream and a really pretty tree, so I said: “Shall we stop here?” and she said, sort of mildly surprised: “If you like,” so I said: “Not if you don’t want to, BrDv,” and she said: “I don’t mind, here’s as good as anywhere.” And she stopped and I got down. She didn’t say anything so I said: “Isn’t it pretty?” And she said: “Oh, very.” It was the exact same voice BrTl uses when he’s being polite. So I made the mistake of saying: “No, I mean the view, BrDv. See the dear little stream, and everything?” She looked at it for ages. Then she said: “I’m glad you think it’s pretty, Su.” I admit I started to lose it, which was real stupid of me, I do know they’re like that. I said: “It must be one of the prettiest views on New Qrbgg! Don't you think?” And gee, guess what? She comes out with: “I’m sure you’re right.”

    I was afraid I was gonna yell at her, so I went down to the stream and paddled about for a bit. After quite a while she came down and said: “Your shin-hair isn’t getting too wet, is it, Su?” I mean to say! I have been here for a while! So I said: “No, humanoids haven’t got your sort of shin-hair.” I mean, what can ya say? “Oh, no, I was forgetting,” she said and she just sort of wandered away, looking down at the grass, you know the way they do. So after absolutely ages, I’d had a bit of a sit in the sun and warmed my toes up, I went over to her and sat beside her. After a bit she ate a very small plant, I knew they did that, of course, though they’ll never admit to it, so I didn’t say a thing.

    Then she sort of started to edge further and further away from me, not as if it was deliberate or anything, but you start to wonder, don't you? I stood it as long as I could and then I ran after her and panted: “Where you going, BrDv?” And she looked round at me in that mild way they do and said: “Nowhere, really. Do you want to go somewhere? We could go somewhere.”

    “No, that’s okay,” I said, real lame.

    “You could get up again, if you like,” she offered.

    So I got up, I mean, what else was there to do? And she just wandered on, very slowly, I counted four plants she ate before she stopped. Don’t ask me why she stopped. So I got down and she sat down. That looked promising, and I sat down beside her. After a bit I said: “You must have had a really interesting life, BrDv.” She sort of peered at me, you know the way they do, so I explained: “Like when you were a C.P.O. You’ve been to lots of worlds, eh?”

    “Oh, yes, lots of worlds, Su,” she said, sounding quite chatty, really, so I thought this is good, now I’ve struck the right note!

    And I said: “Even closed worlds, eh?”

    “Yes, several closed worlds. That was when the ship was carrying diplo missions.”

    “Of course! So what closed worlds have you been on?”

    “Only rWaddli.”

    “You said you’d been to several.”

    “To, not on.”

    “Oh—oh, right, goddit. Gee, they didn’t let you go on-world?”

    “No. Only on rWaddli.”

    “Right. So what was it like?”

    She stared straight in front of her for ages, then she said: “Not sure exactly where you’re going with this, Su.”

    “Well, I—I just wanted to know what it was like. What did it look like?”

    “It’s not a xathpyroid world. Or a humanoid world. We had to wear our FW packs, of course.”

    “Of course, you would of! So, what did you see?”

    “The spaceport, and the city—forget its name. It’s just a city, Su. Um… well, tall buildings, a bit like, um… What’s one you’ve been to? Yes, Z’therabad. Or Bluell City—very like them, but without humanoids.”

    Gee, if I hadda pick two humanoid cities in the two galaxies that were most unlike each other, I’d pick Z’therabad and Bluell City! So I said: “The buildings in Bluell City are pretty short, BrDv.”

    “Eh? Oh, well, whatever blobs you up,” she said vaguely.

    So I took a very deep breath and said: “So what did you do on rWaddli in this city?”

    “We looked for a qwlot bar, but they didn’t seem to have them. We came to the conclusion they didn't drink qwlot. And we already knew they didn’t drink nnru juice, because we’d been ordered not to bring any on-world, it’s a proscribed import there. So we went back to the ship.”

    “Didn’t you even look around?”

    “There was nothing to look at. It was just a city.”

    Maybe I could of asked her what the rWaddlians looked like but I gave up. So we just sat there and stared at nothing: it was just the flat plain, no stream or trees or nothing. And after absolutely ages she said: “You’re right, Su. Pretty is what it is. All of New Qrbgg’s pretty. Aren’t you glad you came?”

    Su’s relatives looked at each other and fell about laughing helplessly.

Next chapter:

https://theadmirableclone-sf.blogspot.com/2023/11/more-family-visits.html